Monday, July 17, 2006

My Webster's Submissions

As the Cincinnati Kid has often said, I am a wordsmith. A recent hobby of mine has been to create obscure new words and phrases. I figure that if Shakespeare could basically craft the modern English language, than all of us lesser muses can at least take a stab at coming up with one or two new words. So the following are my submissions to the folks at Webster's Dictionary.

deadlinery: the act of using nit-picky reasoning and rationale to defeat or distract from otherwise meritorious statements or arguments.

saganize: taken from the author and scientist Carl Sagan. This is the act of taking extremely complicated and confusing ideas, subject matter or arguments and boiling them down into easily conveyable and understandable counterparts (something which Carl Sagan was a genius at doing).

soo: an emphasis word, something similar to the word "too", as in it's "soo cold."

Anyone else with some suggestions?

Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Evolution of [my] Legal Thinking

It's nearly August and in the mind of most American cyclist there are two things-- the national crit championships and where should I stay? For me it's super easy. I can stay with my folks and then ride the seven miles to the race. One of the ironies of life is that the national championships is held in Chicagoland, which is something I've very rarely taken advantage of. However, this year there is a problem. My job ends at the end of July and my new doesn't begin until September. That leaves me with a month where I am under insured.

In the past that might not have been a problem, but looking back at this cycling season and my inability to keep the rubber side down I have to pause. I thought about it for a little while and came up with a decision not to race. This stands contrary to my normal attitude and therefore a small chart is necessary to explain the evolution of my thought processes:

Picture this: me standing over a pit of ravenous wolves ready to tear the flesh off of anything (kind of like a bad crit).

Undergrad Version of Me: (ignorance is bliss)
"Damn this will suck"
*dives into the pit and emerges miraculously unharmed*

2nd Year Law Student Version of Me: (knowledge is power)
"This'll hurt, but I'll sue the hell out of someone for it later"
*dives into the pit and is mauled viscously. my health insurance denies coverage sends a collection agency against me but my parents eventually bail me out*

1st Year Attorney Version of Me: (reality bites)
"I'll probably win at trial and get reversed on appeal. Then I'll end up having no money and owing attorney's fees on top of it."
*breaks out a folding chair and something domestic lite and cold and waits till next year"

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Cincinnati Kid Strikes Again

In the latest addition of what to do when you should be doing something else. The following was sent to me by the Cincinnati Kid (you'll need to get the song/rhythm in your head--the chorus is in italics):

Bud light presents…Real men of genius……real meeen of genius
Today we salute you Mr. I use big words to prove I’m better than you……. Mr. I use big words to prove I’m beeeetter than you
Your a listless bard, and a god among men…………………oh so bardish
You’re a soul mechanic, a heart surgeon if you will….and language is your tool………..fix me up baby
If there is one thing the reader knows from reading your work, its that you’re a better human than they are……juuust a poor farm boy
Commas…please…you’ll use them whenever you damn well feel like it……………………no such thing as too many
Rule of grammar and punctuation…ha…you wrote the book on it..and now your changing it…………….I do what I waaaant
And even if others don’t agree, you know you’re the best…and that makes you a real man of genius………the cuuuubs suck

Anheuser Busch, St Louis, MI.

I feel like my life is more complete now.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

The Open Road

It calls me sometimes like a phantom voice in my head. The open road is my long lost savior. When the world closes in on me and everything seems bleak, she is there ready, willing and accepting of me. I really think that I find true peace only on miles of empty blacktop.

It's been hard on me these last couple of weeks, being restricted as I have been. It's a Saturday today and I only put in in 2 1/2 hours. A month ago it would be at least 4 hours and maybe longer if the weather wasn't horrible. I keep telling myself to pace myself, let all the injuries heal before you push yourself again, but honestly it's really hard to limit myself like that.

I sometimes daydream about riding the big mountains of the blue ridge. As I drove through south west Virginia a couple of weeks ago I almost screamed because their they stood in all their might, just waiting for me to conquer them. I'll be there next year, and those mountains will meet their maker. I've come to conquer you, that's what I say every time I'm about to race a moutain race. Finally, I can back that statement up.

I'll miss the open Mississippi road. My house in Rural is only a mile and half away from nowhere. And nowhere is my favorite place to be on a bike. In nowhere there are no people and no people means no cars. It's just me, the blacktop and a steady cadence. I finally started bucking up again and tossing it into the big ring--KU style. I had been little ringing it for the last couple of months in an effort to help my legs recover from all the races.

I just burned out hard this year. It comes with the territory and also the geography. It's just too damn hard to race in Mississippi. Everything requires driving and lots of it. There were only two races this year in Jackson and both of them were more than 30 minutes from my house. In the future, one half of my races will be within riding distance. It makes things easier.

So the open road calls me again. Dusty roads weren't made for walking and spinning wheels weren't made for stopping. Miranda Lambert, she's got a point.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

My Adoring Fans

It's a well known fact that "when I grow up" I want to be one of two things-- a country music star or a NAScar driver. Well, I think I've finally hit my mark and it's time for me to pack the bags up and head for Nashville. So ready or not CMT here I come.

The city of Rural has been hiding a dark secret from me. Apparently on Mondays at the local watering hole it's karaoke night. That simple fact has saved this burg from being labeled absolutely hopeless for me. Finally I have a forum to take my skill and talent and show it to the public.

I love country music and I love singing country music. Sadly, up until now the only person who got to witness my talents was the unlucky soul stuck in the car with me when my favorite Garth Brooks song came on. Not any more. Now I've got a whole bar filled with people that I may impress with my singing prowess.

It took me a couple of rounds, but I finally worked up the courage to pick up the book of songs and search for my newest favorite country music song-- "Still got a lot of Leaving Left to do" by Dierks Bentley. I admit, my admiration of his music is done only grudgingly. However, my distaste for my admiration is only do to the fact that he looks like the tool of a roommate I once had. His tunes are catchy and sometimes I just cannot help but sing along.

So I get up there and the music starts. It's really awkward the first time you sing without the accompanying rhythm and tone of the actual singer. It took me a few minutes to actually get comfortable hearing my own voice. However, once I surrendered to the wind, I realized that I could in fact fly. Then all-of-a-sudden it became fun. People were watching and listening to me sing. Some fools were even singing along with me. It was a rush that I don't often feel.

The rush was only made better when my wonderful friends continued to fill my head with praise for how good I was. Thank you so much for lying to's one of the few times I really enjoyed being lied to. I guess I know what Grandpa Smurf (one of my Scandalous co-workers) must feel when he gets up there to sing a song or two. So now it's time to pack up the bags and go. I'll just stop in DC for a year or two to hone my skills. Next, it's on to fulfilling that NAScar dream of mine.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

4th of July

Finally the injuries that I suffered at the Giro have started to heal. It was nearly two weeks off the bike, but I've finally started riding again. I'm pretty sure that racing is kind of out of the picture for the next month or two. I'm setting my sights on next season's early races. It's a little weird to be winding down in July, but there are so many things that need to get done this month.