Went down to Baton Rouge this weekend for this year's first time trial. It was my first TT on a real TT bike with all the equipment so it was my first real test. Baton Rouge isn't a bad town at all. I had assumed that the town was falling in on itself and that LSU was a dump, but I was surprised to find myself completely wrong. I can see how people could live there and go to school there, that isn't saying that I would ever do the same.
It was a two-man TT and done on a road that to the casual observer looked as flat as a board. I had never ridden with my partner until that morning so there were undoubtedly going to be slight issues to deal with. However, largely those issues never materialized. My partner was from a category below mine so he had to race up, but despite that we still finished 6 out of 9.
It was decided that we would do one-minute pulls which seemed consistent with what everone else was doing. Has he weakened and I grew stronger it turned out to be more like 1 1/2 minutes to 1 minute. I cannot fault him at all because he road really strong and I was impressed by his speed and his dedication despite the fact that he was cracking all over the place. A little more time in the sadle for him this season and the story will be different.
I cannot wait to try my hand at a solo-TT with all the fun equipment. I could only imagine what it would have been like out there by myself. The road was one long false flat that followed the course of the river levee and at about mile 8 you could really feel the false part of it. The wind was also at all times cross or cross-head. Which just slowly killed you. I think I was lucky to get out of it alive.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
Vicksburg
My thoughts have wondered off my ever important work-topic today-- how the writers of the UCC clearly missed the issue with which I am presented. I have been reading a book about the Battle of Vicksburg and the campaign in Mississippi during the Civil War. It's my ever present effort to dull my mind during the first hour of being on the trainer. I am ready for the sun to come up just a few minutes earlier and then I'm back outside because this is killing me.
I admit that I am in love with the City of Vicksburg. Unfortunately that city does not exist anymore. People back home ask if there was a place in Mississippi that I would be willing to live in for a long while and I always respond by saying either Oxford or Vicksburg. I realize now that neither is correct but for different reasons. The Oxford that I knew and loved is vanishing for me. The city remains, but the reasons I loved it are slowly disappearing as I grow older and my interests grow further away. I had the same feelings regarding Lawrence, KS too. I can never recapture the city that I lived in while going to school because the opportunities and motivations that drove me back then are changed and will continue to change.
As to Vicksburg, the city that I am in love with has not existed for a long time and maybe never has. I have an overly romanticized view of the town, which doesn't match reality. I picture it as parasols and southern belles walking down Washington St. In my mind the city is the epitome of the arts and culture. The high point of ante bellum life with balls, clubs and dinners. I even once thought of buying the historic Balfour House which was for sale recently ($895,000 for the house and the 1 acre lot next to it--that would have been a steal).
Upsettingly, reality does not mix with the present. What exists is a shadow of what could exist. There is so much potential in that town, but no one seems capable of unlocking it. The mayor has done an improving effort to push it forward, but still violence, drugs and murder are hard to push out of your city. I wish the government could come in, evict the population of most of downtown, bulldoze it and start afresh. Then it could become the city that I imagine it in my mind being. However, thinking now, that if I did buy the Balfour House surely any left over spirits of Confederate dead would haunt it's Illinois owner. It would be an interesting turn of fate for the home. Maybe it would be the completion of a long-lost goal of U.S. Grant. I still do have LullaBelle.
I admit that I am in love with the City of Vicksburg. Unfortunately that city does not exist anymore. People back home ask if there was a place in Mississippi that I would be willing to live in for a long while and I always respond by saying either Oxford or Vicksburg. I realize now that neither is correct but for different reasons. The Oxford that I knew and loved is vanishing for me. The city remains, but the reasons I loved it are slowly disappearing as I grow older and my interests grow further away. I had the same feelings regarding Lawrence, KS too. I can never recapture the city that I lived in while going to school because the opportunities and motivations that drove me back then are changed and will continue to change.
As to Vicksburg, the city that I am in love with has not existed for a long time and maybe never has. I have an overly romanticized view of the town, which doesn't match reality. I picture it as parasols and southern belles walking down Washington St. In my mind the city is the epitome of the arts and culture. The high point of ante bellum life with balls, clubs and dinners. I even once thought of buying the historic Balfour House which was for sale recently ($895,000 for the house and the 1 acre lot next to it--that would have been a steal).
Upsettingly, reality does not mix with the present. What exists is a shadow of what could exist. There is so much potential in that town, but no one seems capable of unlocking it. The mayor has done an improving effort to push it forward, but still violence, drugs and murder are hard to push out of your city. I wish the government could come in, evict the population of most of downtown, bulldoze it and start afresh. Then it could become the city that I imagine it in my mind being. However, thinking now, that if I did buy the Balfour House surely any left over spirits of Confederate dead would haunt it's Illinois owner. It would be an interesting turn of fate for the home. Maybe it would be the completion of a long-lost goal of U.S. Grant. I still do have LullaBelle.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Complete Exhaustion
I have run out of energy today. Which means that my tolerance for just about anything is going. Therefore, I find myself biting my tongue more and more. A lot of things have been setting me off lately, mostly dealing with the fact that I cannot tolerate fakeness or as put in Mississippi politeness. I have always been a fan of proper deportment, but a lot of what happens around me that is called politeness is pomp and circumstance, which I thought appropriately died in almost all circles when the revolution came (the 1776 one).
I asked Mom last night at what point in time do I arrive at the level of authority where I can tell someone that I just do not care what they are saying and that I stopped caring long before they opened their mouth? She told me that if that ever happened that it would happen the day after my name goes on the door of the oval shaped office. So alas, that might not happen for a good long time, but I am looking forward to that day.
I asked Mom last night at what point in time do I arrive at the level of authority where I can tell someone that I just do not care what they are saying and that I stopped caring long before they opened their mouth? She told me that if that ever happened that it would happen the day after my name goes on the door of the oval shaped office. So alas, that might not happen for a good long time, but I am looking forward to that day.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
The Judiciary
The problem with working in the judiciary is that you have to objectively listen to stupidity and then address its merits. While this may appear simple in theory it is incredibly difficult in practice. I have become a study in temperance and self-restraint, which in the past were not things that I excelled at. I would love to write something to the effect of: "the appellant is a complete and utter moron if he/she/it honestly believes what he/she/it is saying is true". However, I typically end up writing: "we find that the appellant's argument is without merit". Trust, me the two typically mean the same thing.
In the last 24 hours I have found my writing slowed and more deliberate than usual. I largely blame it on the issues which are currently before me and their complexity. However, some is also to blame for the fact that there always seems to be a gray area. I've dealt with only 2 or 3 cases that were clear, cut and dry. The rest have been at one point in time a mess. I am amazed by how often a set of facts splits the middle of two theories of law or binding precedents.
I find absolutely amazing the size and body of law out there on any single topic. It seems that every issue in the history of society has been dealt with by our courts, except for the issue that you are currently faced with. I applaud litigants for their ability to accidently find themselves in a mess that no one has ever dealt with before. Maybe after I leave my post I'll have a better understanding of how this can happen, but I doubt it. Likely I leave here just as amazed as I was the first day I arrived.
In the last 24 hours I have found my writing slowed and more deliberate than usual. I largely blame it on the issues which are currently before me and their complexity. However, some is also to blame for the fact that there always seems to be a gray area. I've dealt with only 2 or 3 cases that were clear, cut and dry. The rest have been at one point in time a mess. I am amazed by how often a set of facts splits the middle of two theories of law or binding precedents.
I find absolutely amazing the size and body of law out there on any single topic. It seems that every issue in the history of society has been dealt with by our courts, except for the issue that you are currently faced with. I applaud litigants for their ability to accidently find themselves in a mess that no one has ever dealt with before. Maybe after I leave my post I'll have a better understanding of how this can happen, but I doubt it. Likely I leave here just as amazed as I was the first day I arrived.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Training Camp in Review
I survived the camp. While at some points in time it was painful, overall it was very productive and a good time. The second day was rained out, but what can you say, the first day was pretty good. Some of the people with me definitely bit off a little more than they could chew but overall the group stayed cohesive and together.
I got back here to find a rather upset e-mail posted to one of the list-servs that I am a part of regarding proper cycling etiquette. Apparently a cyclist got upset because a bunch of riders rode quickly by them without announcing their presence as they went by and at times doing so three abreast.
The law is pretty clear on the riding two abreast thing, if you don't agree with me just read Miss Code Ann. Sec. 65-3-603. So if you do ride three abreast you're just plain stupid. I have always been of the opinion that on the typical group ride that the group should ride two abreast. Some people seem to think that it's important to placate cars and ride single file along the side of the road. That only invites death and accidents. At two abreast riders are half the width of a car. At that size we actually become something to deal with. A car has to slow or stop or at the least, to think about passing us. Single file we are an afterthought and can easily be crowded or pushed to the side.
As to identifying yourself as you pass another rider, that's just courtesy. If your nice and friendly and want to say something to someone as you pass than do so. Otherwise you don't have to do anything like the sort. Maybe in a crowded environment it's better to do that; but if you don't the other person really shouldn't get upset about it. If you're willing to ride and be passed by cars weighing several tons, then you should be unthreatened by someone on a bike weighing 200 pounds. The writer of the e-mail said that people were lucky they didn't end up with road rash by what they did. I wasn't there so I can't say that they passed close by them or anything to cause such a reaction, but frankly if you can't stay on your bike while being passed by a group of other cyclists without falling off then maybe you should stick to bike paths.
If that was the approach we all took then we should start writing letters to the editor when someone cuts us off on the highway or passes too close to us while driving. I think people need to just relax. You're riding your bike it is supposed to be fun and when you start clinging to rules of etiquette like they are the Napoleonic Code then it ceases to be fun.
I got back here to find a rather upset e-mail posted to one of the list-servs that I am a part of regarding proper cycling etiquette. Apparently a cyclist got upset because a bunch of riders rode quickly by them without announcing their presence as they went by and at times doing so three abreast.
The law is pretty clear on the riding two abreast thing, if you don't agree with me just read Miss Code Ann. Sec. 65-3-603. So if you do ride three abreast you're just plain stupid. I have always been of the opinion that on the typical group ride that the group should ride two abreast. Some people seem to think that it's important to placate cars and ride single file along the side of the road. That only invites death and accidents. At two abreast riders are half the width of a car. At that size we actually become something to deal with. A car has to slow or stop or at the least, to think about passing us. Single file we are an afterthought and can easily be crowded or pushed to the side.
As to identifying yourself as you pass another rider, that's just courtesy. If your nice and friendly and want to say something to someone as you pass than do so. Otherwise you don't have to do anything like the sort. Maybe in a crowded environment it's better to do that; but if you don't the other person really shouldn't get upset about it. If you're willing to ride and be passed by cars weighing several tons, then you should be unthreatened by someone on a bike weighing 200 pounds. The writer of the e-mail said that people were lucky they didn't end up with road rash by what they did. I wasn't there so I can't say that they passed close by them or anything to cause such a reaction, but frankly if you can't stay on your bike while being passed by a group of other cyclists without falling off then maybe you should stick to bike paths.
If that was the approach we all took then we should start writing letters to the editor when someone cuts us off on the highway or passes too close to us while driving. I think people need to just relax. You're riding your bike it is supposed to be fun and when you start clinging to rules of etiquette like they are the Napoleonic Code then it ceases to be fun.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Training Camp
This weekend marks my first cycling training camp. It's not that I'm a novice at the sport, it's just that I've never gone to one. My schedule has always been open enough to let me ride at my convenience for as long as I liked.
I'm a little uneasy about this camp. I know that my conditioning is good and that I'm not going to die from lack of training. My uneasiness comes from the fact that I know next to nothing about the people that I'll be riding with. I've always found it very uncomfortable to ride with people that I don't know. Something has to be said for trusting the person who is riding next to you at a distance of less than a foot. If they do something stupid or wrong and fall then you'll be right next in line to do the same.
Plus I don't know their levels of conditioning and fitness. This could turn out to be the longest rides ever to accomplish the shortest distances. I'm sure everything will turn out fine but I'm uncomfortable. We are heading up to my old stomping grounds in Yoknapatawpha so the ground is familiar to me. I have these preconceived routes and rides planned in my head, but since I know next to nothing about anyone I can't say for a certainty whether or not they'll be appropriate.
I'm looking forward to it, but just uneasy because I am in the dark. My expectations are likely going to be different than others.
I'm a little uneasy about this camp. I know that my conditioning is good and that I'm not going to die from lack of training. My uneasiness comes from the fact that I know next to nothing about the people that I'll be riding with. I've always found it very uncomfortable to ride with people that I don't know. Something has to be said for trusting the person who is riding next to you at a distance of less than a foot. If they do something stupid or wrong and fall then you'll be right next in line to do the same.
Plus I don't know their levels of conditioning and fitness. This could turn out to be the longest rides ever to accomplish the shortest distances. I'm sure everything will turn out fine but I'm uncomfortable. We are heading up to my old stomping grounds in Yoknapatawpha so the ground is familiar to me. I have these preconceived routes and rides planned in my head, but since I know next to nothing about anyone I can't say for a certainty whether or not they'll be appropriate.
I'm looking forward to it, but just uneasy because I am in the dark. My expectations are likely going to be different than others.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
What Can a New Year Bring
Admittedly I know that this year, 2006, is going to be one for the record books...well at least in my life. It's my first year. It's my first full year since graduating from law school, since passing the bar and since getting a steady permanent paying job. Not to mention the most important thing being a full new year with LullaBelle. These things are outstanding and enchanting episodes in my life. So much new...soo much new.
When you go out for a good ride, especially one of exploration it's always exciting. You get to see new things and be in new places. The scenery changes and changes and there is always something out there for you to discover. You have a tendency of getting really lost though. I ride by maps a lot. Thankfully Mississippi has been kind enough to put all the county maps online, otherwise I'd have to order away from God knows where.
I make these intricate routes with a million turns, because no road in these counties goes further than 10 miles in any direction and carry notes with me on torn up pieces of envelopes. Even with the best laid plans I go awry quite often. I've ended up in some pretty messy places before and then it's just luck that gets me home. Maybe this is a metaphor for my life?
When you go out for a good ride, especially one of exploration it's always exciting. You get to see new things and be in new places. The scenery changes and changes and there is always something out there for you to discover. You have a tendency of getting really lost though. I ride by maps a lot. Thankfully Mississippi has been kind enough to put all the county maps online, otherwise I'd have to order away from God knows where.
I make these intricate routes with a million turns, because no road in these counties goes further than 10 miles in any direction and carry notes with me on torn up pieces of envelopes. Even with the best laid plans I go awry quite often. I've ended up in some pretty messy places before and then it's just luck that gets me home. Maybe this is a metaphor for my life?
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Weightroom Posers
This one has been long in the making, but I just keep forgetting to write it all down. I've been working out in the gym now for about a month or so. Just long enough to get to know the regulars. There are probably two or three of these regulars who I now refer to as weightroom posers.
It's no secret that I'm not the biggest and most powerful guy in the weightroom. I go and workout but I'm not breaking any records with what I lift. That's simply not my purpose for being there. Then why are there guys who want to compare themselves to me? You know the guy. He sees you and identifies with you, and therefore makes it a personal competition between you and him as to who can lift more.
There is one guy in particular that I am thinking about. I love to do curls. I know the bicep is pretty much the most useless muscle to a cyclist but I still love to do curls. So the other day I'm doing my reps and the poser comes up and decides to do curls. This already annoys me. I know that other people do the same exercises that I do, but do you have to do it at the same time as I am and standing next to me?
The part that really gets me, is where, after studying mine, he grabs the weights just a few pounds heavier. You could tell it was killing him. He was struggling and struggling and all the while being an even bigger poser than he originally was.
He's continued this posering for the last week or so now. He knows all my weights and exercises. I want to grab him and shake him while saying you're a poser buddy!!! Leave me alone and stop copying me. You're a scrawny white boy. There is no point in competing against another. What are you trying to prove? You're the king of the scrawny ones. That's like being the emperor of ice cream. Give it up, cut your weight and quit trying to prove yourself to the rest of the world.
It's no secret that I'm not the biggest and most powerful guy in the weightroom. I go and workout but I'm not breaking any records with what I lift. That's simply not my purpose for being there. Then why are there guys who want to compare themselves to me? You know the guy. He sees you and identifies with you, and therefore makes it a personal competition between you and him as to who can lift more.
There is one guy in particular that I am thinking about. I love to do curls. I know the bicep is pretty much the most useless muscle to a cyclist but I still love to do curls. So the other day I'm doing my reps and the poser comes up and decides to do curls. This already annoys me. I know that other people do the same exercises that I do, but do you have to do it at the same time as I am and standing next to me?
The part that really gets me, is where, after studying mine, he grabs the weights just a few pounds heavier. You could tell it was killing him. He was struggling and struggling and all the while being an even bigger poser than he originally was.
He's continued this posering for the last week or so now. He knows all my weights and exercises. I want to grab him and shake him while saying you're a poser buddy!!! Leave me alone and stop copying me. You're a scrawny white boy. There is no point in competing against another. What are you trying to prove? You're the king of the scrawny ones. That's like being the emperor of ice cream. Give it up, cut your weight and quit trying to prove yourself to the rest of the world.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Good Writing
It's rare that something impressive me as much as the following:
"The facts shown by plaintiff, if true, cause many emotional reactions: Horror at the brutality; sympathy for the child; shame that man, occupying a high pinnacle, may be dropped so low by evil desires; sorrow that the life of a young man was so suddenly and uselessly ended. But we do not judge men; that is for the Highest Court. We pass upon facts as measured by the law, and must at all times retain our equilibrium, to see that the shields erected after centuries of experience to prevent miscarriages of justice are maintained.To the layman, our action here will probably be called a ‘reversal on a technicality’ and he will wonder why this rule should be applied in a case such as this. The man trained in the law will know that we are protecting and preserving for everyone-good, bad, or indifferent-one of the standard safeguards provided for the assurance of a fair trial in all cases. If it should be ignored here, it is destroyed and will not exist at the time of the next trial, regardless of who is the defendant. The same is true of many other so-called ‘technicalities.’ When the courts destroy them, if they do, the days of fair trials as we know them are gone."
-----Justice Jones
"The facts shown by plaintiff, if true, cause many emotional reactions: Horror at the brutality; sympathy for the child; shame that man, occupying a high pinnacle, may be dropped so low by evil desires; sorrow that the life of a young man was so suddenly and uselessly ended. But we do not judge men; that is for the Highest Court. We pass upon facts as measured by the law, and must at all times retain our equilibrium, to see that the shields erected after centuries of experience to prevent miscarriages of justice are maintained.To the layman, our action here will probably be called a ‘reversal on a technicality’ and he will wonder why this rule should be applied in a case such as this. The man trained in the law will know that we are protecting and preserving for everyone-good, bad, or indifferent-one of the standard safeguards provided for the assurance of a fair trial in all cases. If it should be ignored here, it is destroyed and will not exist at the time of the next trial, regardless of who is the defendant. The same is true of many other so-called ‘technicalities.’ When the courts destroy them, if they do, the days of fair trials as we know them are gone."
-----Justice Jones
Slight Rant and then some Substance
If you are going to have a Top Ten of something please limit it to ten. Now that the weather has turned cold I'm stuck on the trainer on Mondays and Fridays. I spend the first half of my 90 minutes reading but then I turn on the t.v. and watch the news. However, commercials annoy me so I flip channels and occasionally land up on ESPN. It's Monday so that means that some fat-used-to-be-good sports broadcaster has his top ten countdown for the previous week. Top ten to this fat man means something close to 30 or 40 plays. It is so long and so overly involved that they go to commercial at number 5 and then do the remaining when they come back. Is this just a pathetic attempt to fill space and provide camera time for a washed up sportscaster or what? ESPN, please give it up. Top ten means ten and not every single thing that ever happened.
I watched a death penalty oral argument today. These are always intense because it doesn't take much for you to remember that someone's life is hanging in the balance. Today I sat in the back row as is my usual thing. However, this time I was seated near to the family of the deceased victim. The victim here was only 6 months old and therefore made the case even more emotional and tense. Seated an arms length in front of me was the victim's mother, grandmother and the rest of the family. Emotions were heightened and tears were definitely shed. At the same time it was clear that the defendant's family was seated on the other side of the room. Equally pitched to see the argument and clearly aware of the desperate situation that their family member was now in.
I tried to watch the reaction in the audience. It was clear that the mother of the victim was tortured, absolutely tortured by the entire experience. I can not even imagine what she must have been going through, however, I was amazed by how she kept her composure, all the time clutching her child's favorite play toy. It is an amazing moment of time to watch the justice system work. Despite the situation and the desperation of the moment everyone remanded calm and civil. The lawyers stood and argued and no one made a spectacle.
I see now the importance the lawyer plays even more clearly than before. Watching the families hang on every word said knowing full well that their's was a role of silence. They were powerless in that courtroom and completely dependant on their advocate. How incredible a sight it was and how very impressive the entire system is to me. Despite my limited years of life and even more limited years of practice I will be someone's voice. I will speak while they remain silent. The greyhaired members of the world will quietly listen to me and place their last moment of trust in me...and I must do them right.
I watched a death penalty oral argument today. These are always intense because it doesn't take much for you to remember that someone's life is hanging in the balance. Today I sat in the back row as is my usual thing. However, this time I was seated near to the family of the deceased victim. The victim here was only 6 months old and therefore made the case even more emotional and tense. Seated an arms length in front of me was the victim's mother, grandmother and the rest of the family. Emotions were heightened and tears were definitely shed. At the same time it was clear that the defendant's family was seated on the other side of the room. Equally pitched to see the argument and clearly aware of the desperate situation that their family member was now in.
I tried to watch the reaction in the audience. It was clear that the mother of the victim was tortured, absolutely tortured by the entire experience. I can not even imagine what she must have been going through, however, I was amazed by how she kept her composure, all the time clutching her child's favorite play toy. It is an amazing moment of time to watch the justice system work. Despite the situation and the desperation of the moment everyone remanded calm and civil. The lawyers stood and argued and no one made a spectacle.
I see now the importance the lawyer plays even more clearly than before. Watching the families hang on every word said knowing full well that their's was a role of silence. They were powerless in that courtroom and completely dependant on their advocate. How incredible a sight it was and how very impressive the entire system is to me. Despite my limited years of life and even more limited years of practice I will be someone's voice. I will speak while they remain silent. The greyhaired members of the world will quietly listen to me and place their last moment of trust in me...and I must do them right.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Weekend Riding
I had a great weekend of riding. It was probably the first real good weekend worth of riding that I have had since I started training again. I think that I'm getting dangerously close to "on target" for next season. I threw down four hours on Saturday and three hours on Sunday. Varying roads but again all solo work with some weather to deal with as well.
These thoughts, among others were in my head. Counties in Mississippi that I have ridden in:
1. Lafayette
2. Pontotoc
3. Panola
4. Calhoun
5. Tallahatchie
6. Lee
7. Yalobusha
8. Lincoln
9. Warren
10. Hinds
11. Rankin
12. Madison
13. Copiah
14. Simpson
States, plus other, in the Country that I have ridden in:
1. Illinois
2. Wisconsin
3. Iowa
4. Minnesota
5. Kansas
6. Missouri
7. Vermont
8. Tennessee
9. Alabama
10. Mississippi
11. Louisiana
12. Texas
13. Nebraska
14. Virginia
15. D.C.
16. Maryland
These thoughts, among others were in my head. Counties in Mississippi that I have ridden in:
1. Lafayette
2. Pontotoc
3. Panola
4. Calhoun
5. Tallahatchie
6. Lee
7. Yalobusha
8. Lincoln
9. Warren
10. Hinds
11. Rankin
12. Madison
13. Copiah
14. Simpson
States, plus other, in the Country that I have ridden in:
1. Illinois
2. Wisconsin
3. Iowa
4. Minnesota
5. Kansas
6. Missouri
7. Vermont
8. Tennessee
9. Alabama
10. Mississippi
11. Louisiana
12. Texas
13. Nebraska
14. Virginia
15. D.C.
16. Maryland
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Wrath Upon Lenders
I wish only ill will upon my lenders because it is clear that they have no clue as to what is going on and wish only to rip my still beating heart out of my chest. Apparently when you tell a lender to consolidate your loan that gives them license to drag their feet in accomplishing this task. This of course means they get the option of charging you a higher and higher interest rate to do so. All of these facts are of course concealed from the unwitting borrower until it is much too late for them to do anything about it.
I thank the wonderful folks at CitiBank for making life so easy on me. They made it so easy to borrow the money, but now it is almost impossible to pay them back. On top of that I've been told 3 different stories about my loan and repayment options. I think that the best move now would be to declare bankruptcy and get rid of it all, but alas student loans would not be wiped clean if I did that. So the complication only continues.
It is now my mission in life to pay off my loans in as quick and tireless a manner as possible. For no reason other than the fact that I am so confused by them that I just don't want to deal with them at all.
I thank the wonderful folks at CitiBank for making life so easy on me. They made it so easy to borrow the money, but now it is almost impossible to pay them back. On top of that I've been told 3 different stories about my loan and repayment options. I think that the best move now would be to declare bankruptcy and get rid of it all, but alas student loans would not be wiped clean if I did that. So the complication only continues.
It is now my mission in life to pay off my loans in as quick and tireless a manner as possible. For no reason other than the fact that I am so confused by them that I just don't want to deal with them at all.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Jason Bourne
I freely admit it, I like the Bourne series of movies. I like it for the same reason that men like James Bond-- it shows us the style of life that we all secretly want, but then soberly admit would kill us faster than jumping out of an airplane without a parachute. I just finished another showing of The Bourne Supremacy and frankly I have to say that I think it's a great movie and really enjoy watching it.
I think that the Bourne series of movies is better than a lot of these other so-called spy movies, for one think it takes into parts of the countryside that you don't often see. So many movies focus on the tourist trap parts of the town. For example the first movie, The Bourne Identity, takes place largely in Paris, yet they don't focus on the Eifel Tower. I think it is contractual that if you shoot a movie in Paris you have to have that damn tower as the focal point. If movies mirror life than there are tons of lovers, spies and general intrique that happen every day at the base of that giant phallic symbol...thank you so much directors of The Bourne Identity for not signing that contract.
The Bourne Supremacy is frankly my favorite of the two. I think largely because it ends in Moscow, which is a city that I hold dear to my heart. The reason for that is because it is one of the few places on the earth that I can consider truly my own. It is the one place that my close friends and family have never been and the one experience that I have that I don't have to share. I really jealously guard my uniqueness. I want to believe that there is something special about me that I don't have to share. I know that there are a million people just like me, who share the same experiences and same life path; but for one moment I just want to believe that they don't exist and that I am unique.
In Moscow and L'viv, I find places and experiences that I don't have to share and that I alone can just sit quietly back and enjoy. It's like a good cup of coffee, you just sit back and sip away at it knowing that it's your cup and you don't have to give it up. You just wrap yourself in it and know that this is yours. You can share if you want to, and I try to often, but sometimes I just want it to be mine. Alot of the scenes that take place in Moscow are places that I saw and went through. Looking back on my time abroad I really think that was some of the best times of my young life. I learned so much about myself and who I was because I was so far away from my world. I am amazed that I am still alive frankly. I made a lot of stupid choices over there, and did somethings that I should not have done. That's not to say that it is the most dangerous place in the world or that I am so type of superhero, but looking hindsight, it sure is easy to get in trouble there.
I guess it all brings me back to the same question, how did I get to where I am today? No answer still, just the thought that I like being here.
I think that the Bourne series of movies is better than a lot of these other so-called spy movies, for one think it takes into parts of the countryside that you don't often see. So many movies focus on the tourist trap parts of the town. For example the first movie, The Bourne Identity, takes place largely in Paris, yet they don't focus on the Eifel Tower. I think it is contractual that if you shoot a movie in Paris you have to have that damn tower as the focal point. If movies mirror life than there are tons of lovers, spies and general intrique that happen every day at the base of that giant phallic symbol...thank you so much directors of The Bourne Identity for not signing that contract.
The Bourne Supremacy is frankly my favorite of the two. I think largely because it ends in Moscow, which is a city that I hold dear to my heart. The reason for that is because it is one of the few places on the earth that I can consider truly my own. It is the one place that my close friends and family have never been and the one experience that I have that I don't have to share. I really jealously guard my uniqueness. I want to believe that there is something special about me that I don't have to share. I know that there are a million people just like me, who share the same experiences and same life path; but for one moment I just want to believe that they don't exist and that I am unique.
In Moscow and L'viv, I find places and experiences that I don't have to share and that I alone can just sit quietly back and enjoy. It's like a good cup of coffee, you just sit back and sip away at it knowing that it's your cup and you don't have to give it up. You just wrap yourself in it and know that this is yours. You can share if you want to, and I try to often, but sometimes I just want it to be mine. Alot of the scenes that take place in Moscow are places that I saw and went through. Looking back on my time abroad I really think that was some of the best times of my young life. I learned so much about myself and who I was because I was so far away from my world. I am amazed that I am still alive frankly. I made a lot of stupid choices over there, and did somethings that I should not have done. That's not to say that it is the most dangerous place in the world or that I am so type of superhero, but looking hindsight, it sure is easy to get in trouble there.
I guess it all brings me back to the same question, how did I get to where I am today? No answer still, just the thought that I like being here.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Gift Shopping
I recently went Christmas shopping with LullaBelle. Other than the weather and the horrible crowds of people it was a great time. It's interesting going shopping with a woman. It really points out the differences between the two genders. Lulla was constantly amazed by how quickly I made my purchases. I guess that women spend much more time thinking about their purchases and who they are buying them for. I'm much more of a go out there, see what you like and grab it kind of guy.
I think we scored some major finds too. However, again I think she was confused by a lot of the gifts that I bought. I have this tendency of buying people gifts relating to their interests and my location. Most of the people on my holiday shopping list are Chicagofolk and I'm in Mississippi. Therefore it only makes sense to me that I buy gifts that have something to do with my place in life. Next year, fair warning to all, you will get gifts that have something to do with DC. However, I don't buy touristy garbage. I think for a few minutes about who they are and what they are interested in and then go after something that fits. I just think that some folks would like to get something like that, it's kind of like a souvenir from some foreign place but a little bit better because you might be able to use it.
Holiday shopping as a whole is something that I don't enjoy. Ok, shopping is something that I don't enjoy all that much, especially when it's not for me. Amazingly, I did not buy myself anything this time around. Mom commented on that, and frankly it didn't even strike me while I was doing it. I think it might have been a product of the places that I was shopping and the sections of the stores that I was in. Frankly, I just don't think that there is anything in Pier 1 that I particularly need, except for overly expensive martini glasses, but alas I don't even drink martinis.
Now that it is Tuesday, I am reminded that every obstacle no matter how difficult to overcome, can be overcome. Through persistence and diligence one can look back at an accomplishment on the luxury of their couch and remember how hard it seemed before.
I think we scored some major finds too. However, again I think she was confused by a lot of the gifts that I bought. I have this tendency of buying people gifts relating to their interests and my location. Most of the people on my holiday shopping list are Chicagofolk and I'm in Mississippi. Therefore it only makes sense to me that I buy gifts that have something to do with my place in life. Next year, fair warning to all, you will get gifts that have something to do with DC. However, I don't buy touristy garbage. I think for a few minutes about who they are and what they are interested in and then go after something that fits. I just think that some folks would like to get something like that, it's kind of like a souvenir from some foreign place but a little bit better because you might be able to use it.
Holiday shopping as a whole is something that I don't enjoy. Ok, shopping is something that I don't enjoy all that much, especially when it's not for me. Amazingly, I did not buy myself anything this time around. Mom commented on that, and frankly it didn't even strike me while I was doing it. I think it might have been a product of the places that I was shopping and the sections of the stores that I was in. Frankly, I just don't think that there is anything in Pier 1 that I particularly need, except for overly expensive martini glasses, but alas I don't even drink martinis.
Now that it is Tuesday, I am reminded that every obstacle no matter how difficult to overcome, can be overcome. Through persistence and diligence one can look back at an accomplishment on the luxury of their couch and remember how hard it seemed before.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Contentment
Being an athlete an a over-serious type A personality, such as myself, you often times don't get the chance to just accomplish a goal. Most times you accomplish a goal and then set off in search of another goal. Accomplishments point towards bigger accomplishments and so you don't stop to think of what just happened and to quietly sit down and just be content for what you have done.
With that being said, I think the time has come for me to just be content (for a little while). The reason for that is simple-- it finally happened. I was offered the job that I wanted since I first learned it existed. I think it is now starting to sink in, the gravity of the whole thing. Most people go their whole lives searching for the job they want, striving to get it and being satisfied if they get in the right direction; but here I am, one year out of law school taking the job that I wanted when I started law school. It's a moment of humility.
A friend of mine told me that I have no excuse now not to be thankful during the upcoming holiday. I really don't...because I am thankful. I am thankful for everything that I have in my life. Everyday I come to work and sit in my office. I look out my window and across the street is the Capitol of Mississippi. I'm 26 years old and have a floor-to-ceiling window with a view that most people wait their whole lives for. Next year, I'll have the same type of view, but this time it'll be of the White House. On top of just that, I'm doing the work I always wanted to do. I'm struggling now to think of new goals and a new mission. I think that maybe it's ok, if for just a little while, to pause and not have a goal but just have life to live.
Being content is not something which comes very easily to me. I always had a new goal, once I crossed a barrier there was always the next step. It's kind of like winning the Olympic gold...I mean where does one go from there. I know they are not the same, but to me and my vision of the world they are very similar. They always say be careful for what you ask for because it might come true some day...well my wishes came true and I am finally at peace because of it.
With that being said, I think the time has come for me to just be content (for a little while). The reason for that is simple-- it finally happened. I was offered the job that I wanted since I first learned it existed. I think it is now starting to sink in, the gravity of the whole thing. Most people go their whole lives searching for the job they want, striving to get it and being satisfied if they get in the right direction; but here I am, one year out of law school taking the job that I wanted when I started law school. It's a moment of humility.
A friend of mine told me that I have no excuse now not to be thankful during the upcoming holiday. I really don't...because I am thankful. I am thankful for everything that I have in my life. Everyday I come to work and sit in my office. I look out my window and across the street is the Capitol of Mississippi. I'm 26 years old and have a floor-to-ceiling window with a view that most people wait their whole lives for. Next year, I'll have the same type of view, but this time it'll be of the White House. On top of just that, I'm doing the work I always wanted to do. I'm struggling now to think of new goals and a new mission. I think that maybe it's ok, if for just a little while, to pause and not have a goal but just have life to live.
Being content is not something which comes very easily to me. I always had a new goal, once I crossed a barrier there was always the next step. It's kind of like winning the Olympic gold...I mean where does one go from there. I know they are not the same, but to me and my vision of the world they are very similar. They always say be careful for what you ask for because it might come true some day...well my wishes came true and I am finally at peace because of it.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
The Great Gatsby
It is one of my favorite books. In fact it is the only book that I have read twice, now I started re-reading To Kill a Mockingbird but stopped after a couple of hours by the pool with LullaBelle. The Great Gatsby has this one great moment that really struck me. It is the argument between the two main characters where Gatsby responds to the comment that you cannot relive the past by saying of course you can.
As I sit here with a cup of cherry flavored jello enjoying a brief break in the work day I am reminded of Thursday afternoons at Grandma and Grandpa's house I think about the past. I recently had dinner with an old friend from Chicago on my recent trip to DC. He apparently loves to keep up-to-date with all the goings on of people from the old neighborhood and girls that broke up with him. So between courses he talked to me about them and about what they are doing. To my surprise, only a few of them are in jail.
I came home from that trip and opened up the old yearbooks and started going through pictures and notes. Sitting there and quietly kicking myself for letting some opportunities go by and then chastising myself for chasing after some that I should have let go by. I think that retro-introspection is a great thing, but Fitzgerald had a point too. You can relive the past but you cannot do anything about it...it still is going to end up the same way that it did. It's sort of like watching an instant replay of a touchdown and thinking that you can stop the play.
I do not want to re-live the past or change anything that happened because of love the person that I am and the place that I have come to in life. But I remain forever curious about what would have happened. It's as if I could suddenly watch an alternate line of the movie of my life and see if it got to the same point. How odd would that be, if you choose to change something and still ended up in the same place. That would be absolute evidence of Divine Providence...or at least maybe dumb luck.
The question I guess is, is life about missed opportunities or is it more about the ones that you took? Possibly that it is an alternative new version of the glass being half full/empty? My Grandpa's wisdom comes to me now. He would sit me down from time-to-time and remind me to take everything in moderation. A little bit of happiness and a little bit of sadness. I little bit of drink and a little bit of sobriety. A little bit of work and little bit of play. You combine all those little bits and then you have life. So I guess my life is a little bit of missed opportunity and a little bit of those taken. Not too bad a way to look at things now is it?
As I sit here with a cup of cherry flavored jello enjoying a brief break in the work day I am reminded of Thursday afternoons at Grandma and Grandpa's house I think about the past. I recently had dinner with an old friend from Chicago on my recent trip to DC. He apparently loves to keep up-to-date with all the goings on of people from the old neighborhood and girls that broke up with him. So between courses he talked to me about them and about what they are doing. To my surprise, only a few of them are in jail.
I came home from that trip and opened up the old yearbooks and started going through pictures and notes. Sitting there and quietly kicking myself for letting some opportunities go by and then chastising myself for chasing after some that I should have let go by. I think that retro-introspection is a great thing, but Fitzgerald had a point too. You can relive the past but you cannot do anything about it...it still is going to end up the same way that it did. It's sort of like watching an instant replay of a touchdown and thinking that you can stop the play.
I do not want to re-live the past or change anything that happened because of love the person that I am and the place that I have come to in life. But I remain forever curious about what would have happened. It's as if I could suddenly watch an alternate line of the movie of my life and see if it got to the same point. How odd would that be, if you choose to change something and still ended up in the same place. That would be absolute evidence of Divine Providence...or at least maybe dumb luck.
The question I guess is, is life about missed opportunities or is it more about the ones that you took? Possibly that it is an alternative new version of the glass being half full/empty? My Grandpa's wisdom comes to me now. He would sit me down from time-to-time and remind me to take everything in moderation. A little bit of happiness and a little bit of sadness. I little bit of drink and a little bit of sobriety. A little bit of work and little bit of play. You combine all those little bits and then you have life. So I guess my life is a little bit of missed opportunity and a little bit of those taken. Not too bad a way to look at things now is it?
Monday, November 07, 2005
Just Trying to Drive Around Town
Today marks close to 4 months that I have lived in Rural. To date, I have almost been killed... while driving my car... about 30 times. This number only includes my trips back and forth to work and occasionally on the weekend out to Vicksburg or Oxford. Therefore, I have officially decided that drivers in this town are the worst that I have ever seen. Now, this is a prize that Rural should be proud of because I've seen some pretty bad drivers in my life.
For those unprivileged to go through the daily journey up and down the interstate stealthfully dodging cars and the on-coming of phone calls from my ambulance-chasing brothers and sisters I will try to describe the typical driver. Imagine how a bunch of red-neck country boys drive out on dirt roads. Just without a care in the world and clearly not paying attention to what happens around them. Now cram all of those red-necks onto a highway that is about 1 lane too small to handle the flow of traffic and oblivious to others around them.
This leads me to my next observation or question. So which came first...the hundreds of billboards advertising attorneys who specialize in car wrecks and/or personal injuries or the car wrecks and personal injuries? To be even more cynical...maybe the billboards are artificially flashy and comical to distract otherwise incompetent drivers so that they become hazards to themselves and all around them.
One way of the other, I can understand why car insurance premiums down here are a billion dollars higher than anywhere else that I have lived.
For those unprivileged to go through the daily journey up and down the interstate stealthfully dodging cars and the on-coming of phone calls from my ambulance-chasing brothers and sisters I will try to describe the typical driver. Imagine how a bunch of red-neck country boys drive out on dirt roads. Just without a care in the world and clearly not paying attention to what happens around them. Now cram all of those red-necks onto a highway that is about 1 lane too small to handle the flow of traffic and oblivious to others around them.
This leads me to my next observation or question. So which came first...the hundreds of billboards advertising attorneys who specialize in car wrecks and/or personal injuries or the car wrecks and personal injuries? To be even more cynical...maybe the billboards are artificially flashy and comical to distract otherwise incompetent drivers so that they become hazards to themselves and all around them.
One way of the other, I can understand why car insurance premiums down here are a billion dollars higher than anywhere else that I have lived.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Google Yourself
I decided that I should try googling my own name and going through all the entries this time to find out little bits of info about myself. I highly recommend doing this if you feel the need to prove to yourself that you have actually done something in your life, while at the moment you are doing nothing at all.
Actually by googling myself I was able to come across this site. I'm not sure how this happened but I'm excited that it did. Now all sorts of strange and bizarre people who once knew me can find me all over again...ok, that might not be the best thing. But it did get me thinking about people that do not exist in the world of google.
What does that say about you, if you are a modern individual who is ungoogleable? Does that mean that you haven't done anything? I admit that I haven't done much impressive in the past say 4 years but I still appear several times on google...apparently there is some guy who has my name who is an irish hip hop mc too. I'm not excited about that either because I just see tons of bad michael bolton-esque jokes coming up if he ever makes it big. I listened to some of his stuff and frankly I don't see that happening any time soon.
But the question is still out there-- what kind of person cannot be googled. What does that say about you if when you type your name into the system and nothing shows up? Does that mean that you've done nothing noteworthy in your life? Or does it mean that no one has taken any interest in your life? Either way, it is a dreary thought, unless you like privacy.
Actually by googling myself I was able to come across this site. I'm not sure how this happened but I'm excited that it did. Now all sorts of strange and bizarre people who once knew me can find me all over again...ok, that might not be the best thing. But it did get me thinking about people that do not exist in the world of google.
What does that say about you, if you are a modern individual who is ungoogleable? Does that mean that you haven't done anything? I admit that I haven't done much impressive in the past say 4 years but I still appear several times on google...apparently there is some guy who has my name who is an irish hip hop mc too. I'm not excited about that either because I just see tons of bad michael bolton-esque jokes coming up if he ever makes it big. I listened to some of his stuff and frankly I don't see that happening any time soon.
But the question is still out there-- what kind of person cannot be googled. What does that say about you if when you type your name into the system and nothing shows up? Does that mean that you've done nothing noteworthy in your life? Or does it mean that no one has taken any interest in your life? Either way, it is a dreary thought, unless you like privacy.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Yoknapatawpha and LullaBelle
I went north again this weekend to see LullaBelle and to ride in the hills of Yoknapatawpha. I do miss the blessed north country a lot. The hills are greener and life is alot easier there than it is down here in Rural. Rural, even though it is the largest city in the State, is nothing more than an overgrown suburb. I have hitherto been able to find anything here to entertain myself. It has the same restuarants and shopping that one can find in Yoknapatawa, but it lacks the culture, sporting events and Lulla.
During law school everyone talked about Rural like it was the greatest place in the whole State, but honestly they need to get over themselvse something fierce. The smaller towns have everything over this place. Maybe, I'm upset that Lulla lives all the way up there and I down here and therefore it is a less pleasant place for me, but even when she is here I struggle to find anything other than her company pleasant. But I cannot constantly talk poorly about a place that I'm going to live for another 9 months.
At least I am constantly amused by the drivers and their complete inability to navigate the most simple of highway interchanges. They refer to it as the stack, as if it was a piece of engineering genius that originated only here in Rural. What it actually is, is a double T interchange of two interstates. One heading north/south and the other east/west. The two join together for about 1 mile and then split again to head their own ways. But every morning at 8AM and every evening around 5PM there is going to be some type of traffic problem there.
Also the riding is just less than what I've been expecting. I know all the routes in Yoknapatawa, I know where they go and how long they take. Down here, they just don't seem to go anywhere interesting. I mean there are a couple of nice routes and all, but they lack the same friendliness that their hill country brethern have. I guess I should just relax and enjoy my time in rural. But I'm struggling to find a way to do that, right now.
During law school everyone talked about Rural like it was the greatest place in the whole State, but honestly they need to get over themselvse something fierce. The smaller towns have everything over this place. Maybe, I'm upset that Lulla lives all the way up there and I down here and therefore it is a less pleasant place for me, but even when she is here I struggle to find anything other than her company pleasant. But I cannot constantly talk poorly about a place that I'm going to live for another 9 months.
At least I am constantly amused by the drivers and their complete inability to navigate the most simple of highway interchanges. They refer to it as the stack, as if it was a piece of engineering genius that originated only here in Rural. What it actually is, is a double T interchange of two interstates. One heading north/south and the other east/west. The two join together for about 1 mile and then split again to head their own ways. But every morning at 8AM and every evening around 5PM there is going to be some type of traffic problem there.
Also the riding is just less than what I've been expecting. I know all the routes in Yoknapatawa, I know where they go and how long they take. Down here, they just don't seem to go anywhere interesting. I mean there are a couple of nice routes and all, but they lack the same friendliness that their hill country brethern have. I guess I should just relax and enjoy my time in rural. But I'm struggling to find a way to do that, right now.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
10 Reasons to Be a Cubs Fan and not a White Sox Fan
Since the Sox have made the series I thought I would take this opportunity to re-affirm my support of the other team...the Cubbies
The following 10 reasons make my convictions in support of the Cubs stronger, but this list is not meant to be exhaustive:
1. My parents raised me correctly.
2. My grandparents raised my parents correctly.
3. I do not find women who could physically hurt me attractive.
4. The mayor, a rabid Sox fan, might be a no nonsense kind of guy, but the tax base of the greatest city in the world which allows him to be said guy live, work and play on the north side.
5. Taking your life into your own hands to see a baseball game is not my style of fun. Even the police get hazard pay to go to the South Side.
6. Blue collar and white collar fans (i.e. Bill Murray, Tobi Keith, God) cheer for the Cubs, while trailer-park trash (i.e. Kid Rock, Paris Hilton) cheer for the White Sox.
7. All of the Cubs players at least speak english. Most of the Sox fans don't speak any identifiable language at all.
8. To be a Cubs fan you at least need an understanding of the game of baseball. Sox fans are still learning how to use rudimentary tools.
9. Cubs fans sell out Wrigley Field everyday and support their team through thick and thin. Sox fans can lay dormant for decades like cicadas or herpes.
10. Cubs fans become laywers, doctors, architects, business leaders and pillars of the community. Soxs fans clean those pillars.
The following 10 reasons make my convictions in support of the Cubs stronger, but this list is not meant to be exhaustive:
1. My parents raised me correctly.
2. My grandparents raised my parents correctly.
3. I do not find women who could physically hurt me attractive.
4. The mayor, a rabid Sox fan, might be a no nonsense kind of guy, but the tax base of the greatest city in the world which allows him to be said guy live, work and play on the north side.
5. Taking your life into your own hands to see a baseball game is not my style of fun. Even the police get hazard pay to go to the South Side.
6. Blue collar and white collar fans (i.e. Bill Murray, Tobi Keith, God) cheer for the Cubs, while trailer-park trash (i.e. Kid Rock, Paris Hilton) cheer for the White Sox.
7. All of the Cubs players at least speak english. Most of the Sox fans don't speak any identifiable language at all.
8. To be a Cubs fan you at least need an understanding of the game of baseball. Sox fans are still learning how to use rudimentary tools.
9. Cubs fans sell out Wrigley Field everyday and support their team through thick and thin. Sox fans can lay dormant for decades like cicadas or herpes.
10. Cubs fans become laywers, doctors, architects, business leaders and pillars of the community. Soxs fans clean those pillars.
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